


(Hoping To Get Close To) A Peace I Cannot Find

by Verasteine



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Community: lgbtfest, Episode: s02e09 Something Borrowed, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-26
Updated: 2009-04-26
Packaged: 2017-10-07 09:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verasteine/pseuds/Verasteine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's nothing left to hold Ianto back except his own fears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Hoping To Get Close To) A Peace I Cannot Find

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [](http://community.livejournal.com/lgbtfest/profile)[**lgbtfest**](http://community.livejournal.com/lgbtfest/)'s prompt #1471: _In _Something Borrowed_ Ianto goes from awkwardly trying to cover when caught flirting with Jack to dancing with him in public._
> 
> Thanks to the prompter who submitted the prompt and gave me this wonderful idea to work with, to my wonderful betas, [](http://used-songs.livejournal.com/profile)[**used_songs**](http://used-songs.livejournal.com/) and [](http://caladria.livejournal.com/profile)[**caladria**](http://caladria.livejournal.com/) for their invaluable thoughts, and to all the wonderful people on my flist/gchat list who did muse CPR, let me rant, navel-gaze, and otherwise annoy them by talking about this fic, as well as the wonderful folks at the [TWU](http://z9.invisionfree.com/twu/index.php) who weighed in with their opinions on how Ianto views his sexuality.
> 
> Lyrics at the top, in the fic, and providing the title belong to Paul Weller, from his song, "You Do Something To Me".

> _You do something to me..._

Jack is jittery that morning, and somehow it doesn't surprise Ianto. Jack is moving with the contained excitement of a teenager going to a party, and Ianto only just keeps from groaning. It's too early in the morning for this. He tells Jack that, before Jack skips out of the room and bounces back in with a cup of tea. He sets it on the nightstand, nearly slopping it over the rim, and when Ianto takes a sip it has too much sugar. Jack beams at him.

"Nothing like a good old fashioned wedding to cheer us all up," he says, falling onto the bed.

Ianto manages to keep the tea from spilling over his fingers as the mattress bounces from the impact. "Jack--"

Jack grins, takes the mug out of his hand, and sets it down on the floor. He leans over Ianto. "You said it was too early, hmm?"

Ianto lets himself be pressed back into the sheets, sliding his hand into Jack's hair.

 

> _... something deep inside..._

They're late when they leave the flat, and Jack is asking about the time the ceremony will start, and _why do weddings have to be in the middle of nowhere?_ Ianto keeps himself from snapping at Jack's chatter, and sidesteps his groping on the stairs. He wishes his neighbour a good morning in passing and glares at Jack when he checks out the woman's butt.

"What?" Jack says innocently. "You're withholding on me."

Ianto restrains Jack's wandering hands for a second time.

"That's not what you said this morning." Jack's eyebrows quirk and Ianto fights the rush of blood to his face and other parts of his anatomy at the reminder.

"Not here," he answers Jack.

 

> _I'm hanging on the wire..._

"Maybe tonight we can..."

Owen walks in and almost gives him a heart attack. He covers quickly. He and Owen have been on better terms lately, and he doesn't want to reopen old issues between them.

To his surprise, Jack goes along with his cover. When Owen walks back to the autopsy bay, Jack stops Ianto with a hand on his arm. "I'm keeping you to it, tonight."

Ianto glances at the doorway, but Owen is out of sight. "Good," he replies, hearing the eager interest in his own voice, and not feeling apologetic for it in the least.

Jack grins and opens his mouth to speak.

"Bloody hell!" Owen pops back out of the autopsy bay. "Are you two coming?!"

 

> _...for a love I'll never find..._

Someone's got to do it, even if it's an unappreciated job, so Ianto takes up position at the turntable. Gwen catches his eye for a moment and smiles gratefully, and he smiles back. It's good to see her happy, good to see at least one of them have a normal life. His eyes stray to Jack, who's laughing at something Tosh said.

There is something about Jack today, something mixed with that eagerness that Ianto can't place. He watches as Jack gets up and steals Gwen from Rhys. They talk, both laughing, and Ianto gets the strange sense he's watching the end of an era.

Rhys is watching them, too, and Ianto knows what the man is seeing. He steps away from the turntable and approaches Jack.

It seemed like a good idea when he walked over here, but something about this -- the novelty, the openness, the sheer _difference_ \-- ties his tongue and makes his palms sweat.

Jack smiles absently, and only when he steps into Jack's arms does he realise what Gwen was thinking. He'll have to apologise to her later.

 

> _You do something wonderful..._

He's been this close to Jack countless times before. Nothing about this is unfamiliar, and yet everything is; this is not a pre-cursor to sex, or maybe it is, and Ianto is still tongue-tied and fumbling. Jack is silent in his arms, and it suddenly seems like the worst idea in the world.

Ianto fumbles for words and can't get past _I'm sorry_. When he listens to the song he's left playing, his feet stutter to a halt as the lyrics cut too close to the bone.

"Hey." Jack's voice is light, close to his ear. "Where're you going?"

Ianto resumes his shuffling steps, wishing childishly that he could bury his face against Jack's neck. "Sorry," he says, voice low, and realises he didn't avoid saying it after all.

Jack moves back just a little to look him in the eye. "We don't have to do this."

Jack sounds serious and Ianto wonders what they're really talking about. "No, it's -- it's fine."

Jack tightens his grip just a little and holds him close again. "I like weddings."

"I noticed," Ianto replies drily.

Jack chuckles, and it reverberates against Ianto's chest. "They're the start of something. And everyone looks their best."

Ianto knows Jack too well, knows he's grinning lecherously even if Ianto can't see his face. It brings a smile to his own lips. "How many times have you had it off with bridesmaids?"

Jack pauses, and Ianto imagines him doing mental arithmetic. They're back on familiar ground now; tales of past lovers and sex. "A lot," Jack says at last, and something else colours his voice. "A few groomsmen, too."

His laughter catches in his throat for some reason. "I hadn't imagined anything less, Jack."

They're silent again, and Ianto imagines what they look like, dancing closely together to a song that is too slow and yet too perfect in its intensity. For a fanciful second, he doesn't want to let this moment go even as the music begins to fade. He steps back before he can hold on too long. "I've got to--"

Jack smiles. "Go on. No party without a DJ."

Ianto forces himself not to look over his shoulder at Jack. When he takes up position at the turntable, Jack is still standing in the middle of the dance floor.

 

> _...then chase it all away  
> Mixing my emotions..._

It's past two before he's managed to get the last drunk and retconned guest up to their room. He returns to the main reception room as Tosh and Owen are busy disposing of the last of the doctored champagne. Jack is sitting at a table across the room, busy checking camera phones and erasing evidence.

Ianto runs over his mental checklist and scratches off tasks. Not much left now, and that's a good thing because exhaustion is creeping up on all of them. Toshiko yawns as she passes him, and he yawns, too.

She smiles. "Means you like me," she says.

He chuckles. "I know."

Owen snorts as he dumps the last bottle in a rubbish bag. "You know that's all nonsense, right? It's just association."

Ianto knows, but Tosh sticks her tongue out at Owen, and he keeps quiet. Toshiko catches his eye when Owen's back is turned and makes a face. It's interrupted by yet another yawn. They both stifle their laughter.

Jack looks up from across the room, and his gaze makes Ianto stand still, as if frozen in amber. The melancholy in Jack's eyes hasn't quite dissipated, and he weaves his way around the tables in Jack's direction.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Nearly done," Jack replies. "Keep me company?"

Ianto pulls out a chair and sits.

"Didn't we have plans tonight?" Jack asks as he works.

Ianto smiles in spite of his tiredness. "Yes. Some other time, maybe?"

Jack puts the last piece of 21st century technology down on the table and stretches his arms. "Yes, we'd better."

There's silence again, and this time Ianto wonders if he should offer something, ease that look in Jack's eyes. He doesn't know what to do or say.

"Ianto," Jack says.

He meets Jack's eyes.

Jack stands up and holds out a hand. For a ridiculous moment, Ianto wonders if Jack's asking him to dance. He shoves that fanciful thought to the back of his mind and lays his hand in Jack's, letting the other man help him up.

Jack's not letting go, rubbing a thumb over Ianto's fingers. "I'm glad you were here today," he says softly.

Ianto can't summon the energy to smile. He's wondering what's really going on in Jack's mind. "Whenever, Jack."

"I know." Jack looks at their joined fingers. "But-- This was a good wedding."

"Yes," Ianto agrees. He senses Jack's on the cusp of something.

"Stop mooning over the teaboy," Owen shouts from across the room, and Ianto blushes, cursing Owen's poor timing for the second time that day. He pulls his hand out of Jack's grasp. Something sparks in Jack's eyes, just briefly, and then the moment's gone.

 

> _...throws me back again_

The next day, Jack sends them home early to catch up on sleep. "It's quiet," he says, "go on." He sounds like a school principal doing pupils a favour on the last day before the holidays.

Ianto catches his eye, and Jack smiles, raising an eyebrow. They talk without words so much better than with them, Ianto muses, and he pretends to be typing when Tosh glances his way. When the door alarm is silent, he hears Jack's footsteps approach, and Jack's hands land on his shoulders.

"Always diligent, Ianto?"

He leans his head back against Jack's arms and closes his eyes. Jack's fingers move lightly over his suit jacket. "You should relax more," Jack says.

It's not exactly a new issue between them, and Ianto has told Jack the same often enough. He keeps his eyes closed.

Jack's fingers still, and his shirt rustles as he moves, bending to press a kiss in Ianto's hair. "Come to bed with me," Jack says, and his voice is a whisper now.

Ianto stands and turns, sliding a hand into Jack's neck, pushing his collar out of the way. Jack's skin is warm under his fingers, and Jack's eyes are dark. Rain check or not, tonight is not a night for games.

Jack sucks in a breath, and Ianto waits for him to speak.

Jack opens his mouth, then seems to change his mind. He worries his bottom lip between his teeth and looks away. When he looks back, he smiles. It falls horribly flat. Ianto kisses him then, no longer wanting to see Jack's eyes.

 

> _I'm waiting for the change..._

Jack's body is warm next to him. Ianto lies there comfortably. Jack's fingers are absently stroking his arm, and Ianto asks the question at last.

"What is it about you and weddings? Memories?"

Jack smiles, then presses a kiss to Ianto's bare shoulder. It's not an attempt at distraction, just Jack's unquenchable desire for touch. It's one of the most contrasting differences between them. "Weddings..." Jack says, almost philosophically. "I've been to too many of them."

Ianto waits him out.

"Not all were good. Some were great." Jack's smile explains why. "And one. One was my own."

"I know," Ianto replies. He's the archivist, after all.

Jack lifts his head to look Ianto in the eye. "That isn't the full story. I couldn't die."

Before Ianto can think of something to say to that, Jack lays his head on Ianto's shoulder. "Now I get a question."

Ianto slides fingers into Jack's hair. "What?"

"Why'd you dance with me?"

Ianto freezes. Jack slides a hand over his stomach and strokes softly, fingers almost tickling, but not quite. It's distracting. Ianto can only barely keep himself from slapping Jack's hand away. "Why not?"

Jack chuckles. "_Because I can?_ Never really your sort of answer, is it?"

Ianto lies silently and still a little longer before answering. "There was no one to stop me," he says at last. "I could. I _wanted_ to. I ran out of reasons to stop myself."

Jack pushes up on one elbow and looks down at him. "Ianto Jones -- even after all this time, you manage to surprise me."

Ianto keeps from looking away. "It wasn't the same as here in the office," he continues unnecessarily. "It was private."

Jack raises an eyebrow.

Ianto amends, "Okay, not exactly private. But... just us. No one else's business. It felt right."

"Yes," Jack says. "It felt right." He settles back down and curls around Ianto in a way Ianto has mentally labelled octopine. He shifts to accommodate Jack, and smiles as the melody from the previous night floats through his head.

 

> _...I'm dancing through the fire just to catch a flame..._


End file.
